Let It Go..

Salam..

It's certainly have been a while.. Forgive me for the lack of post. =) That is, if anyone was waiting for one. *wink wink* It's just that although sometimes I really want to share something, thinking of the expected reactions of people who read puts me off.. I guess everyone felt so at one time or the other, and it depends on ourselves on how to handle it.

Research-wise, I'm currently keeping up with my timetable to run my bioreactor once every week. Hopefully, I could still work as usual especially with the coming of the holy month Ramadhan.

Personal-wise, things have been a roller coaster ride, with things unraveling unexpectedly. I've now learned (for the second time) that caution is a must. Even though familiarity would sometimes cloud our judgement, trusting our inner voice or what people call instinct is ultimately better in the long run.

=)

The best thing is, however, I'm fine. I've spent some time mulling over things that cannot be undone, and all the damages that I can't control, angry at myself for being too naive, and making my life a mess of unchecked anger and frustrations. But somehow, with the unchanging nature of the people around me, the wound is healing. The scar might always be there, and the phantom pain might sometimes cause me bitterness, but all is as it should be, alhamdulillah.

To my dear friends (you know who you are!! *hugs and kisses*), thank you for simply being there, sharing my pain and being the constant I need. =)

Things will be okay, I know it will, insya-Allah..
Love y'all!!
=))

I leave y'all with my favorite song right now; Iridescent by Linkin Park.

Wishes

Salam..

My latest addition to my poems. Have been neglecting those for a while, haven't I? Well, here's something that I've written..

_ . : Wishes : . _

i wish i could go

so far, far, far and away

where the sun is always shining

and the flowers are blooming

where it rains when it gets too hot

and shines like the Northern star

the trees and the wind, hugging me

when my thoughts turn too dark

i wish i could fly

be free like the birds

laughing through the skies

spreading my wings wide

forgetting all the things

that makes my eyes blur

feeling so helpless

and shaking uncontrollably

i wish to forget

i wish to forgive

i wish to be better

a better person than i am yesterday

i wish to be strong

i wish to be good enough

to accept things as they are

to never blame, and never judge

even though sometimes i wanna cry

and cry i did

it helps to know

that i will give my all

to see another day go by

and maybe, just maybe

the birds will fly again

and I will be

free.

_ . : end : . _

Music & Lyrics - It's The Feeling that Make It

Ke Mana Ku Bawa Diri

By : Noor Kumalasari

Ke manakah kan ku bawa hati yang rindu
Hilang sudah tiada lagi tempat mengadu
Rasa hati sunyi sepi sedih memilu
Mungkin hanya awan mendung yang berlalu

Ke manakah haluannya ku bawa diri
Mengapakah suasana hening menyepi
Tiada kata berirama yang mesra lagi
Entah bila pula suria menyinari

Oh Tuhan tunjukkan berilah harapan
Pada-Mu aku serahkan
Semoga cahaya bersinar kembali
Penuh erti hidup ini

Apa daya aku hanya insan biasa
Doa restu kupohonkan pada Yang Esa
Penuh rasa menantikan harapan tiba
Bahagia mungkin akan jadi nyata

ps : Lagu evergreen, tapi sangat terkesan pada saya. Hanya pada Tuhan diri ini berserah. Yang lain, terpulanglah. =) Wassalam.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley

Salam..

After my last post (with attempt to start writing poem again), I noticed that my friends were concerned due to the dark themes that I diverge into. And I really appreciate their concern even though sometimes I respond evasively. The truth is, I am not ready to share it yet. And it's not because I lack trust in them or something along that line, but its more towards the fact that I'm just not ready. And this might stem from the fact that I've always depended only on myself, being the only child, so I tend to keep it all in. And sometimes I really fear the thought of being alone, so much, that I'd rather put on a smiley face than share the burden with those around me. In my head, I want to be happy when I'm with them, rather than feeling sad and teary-eyed because of things that are out of my control.

I'm really sorry; I really am. I'm trying to change, opening my heart bit by bit to try and let people in. But please give me time. In the future, who knows?

=)

Friends to me, is something very precious, especially those true, sincere friends. I've had a lot of acquaintances, true, but friends that truly care for you is hard to find. I still remember back then, its so hard for me to connect with people my age. My best friend when I was still in BTR was 1 year older than me (so you can imagine how hard it is to hang out together when you are 9 or 10 years old. The only time we had was during band practice and recess time). Then, I had a love-hate relationship with my rival in Standard 3; we were close like sisters but fought like cats in academics. Then, when I had to move after Standard 4, my life was suddenly so different because I had to meet an array of new people at a new school. There was no one that I knew, and no music classes to fall into, and my new classmates were so used to each other that I felt like an outsider right from the start.

The truth is, that is what all new students felt like, don't you agree? But back then, its like a big challenge and I keep asking myself, what can I do? And what I did was retreat back to what I know best; read. I haunted the library every free time I had; and by the time semester 1 ends, I had borrowed almost all the books I deem interesting to read. And the librarian was so used to me that I became the informal assistant for students who wants to borrow books. And it was through this ordeal that I began to make friends who also love reading as I made it easier for them to hang out in the library. And slowly I began to make peace with my classmates and slowly integrate into their close knit groups. The truth is, even back then, I learn to stick by my friends. I still remember one time when a classmate declared war on one of my friends (one word : puppy love), we all stick together and defend her. And when you had people who supports you, life seems so easy and you assured yourself that you can go through everything. Even now, I felt that it is true because when problems start piling in and it feels like the world is crashing down, sometimes to solve it we have to stand back and just take a breather. Think about everyone that still supports you, and know that these people will continue to do so even when you fall. Have faith in that, and then start to see the problem with a fresh mind. From my previous experiences, this helps me to focus on the most important thing, and keep the distractions at bay.

Back to the story, when I started secondary education, with new surroundings, things were better because almost half of the class is my friends from primary school. And some new faces were not *that* new because we go to the same sekolah agama. So fitting in were not quite as difficult as it was before. And because our class is the experimental class (we were the first batch in the school to learn Arabic for PMR, thus the appropriately named 1 Agama), our classes were a teensy-beetsy different than others, and this makes us quite close to each other (more so because as it was, our batch was the only one to make it to 3 Agama thus stamping our domination on the 3A initials). And in this regard, I truly admire the boys of 3A because they still retain that closeness until this very day.. And it was during this 3 years that I began to see why at that age, friends were extremely important. The things we do, the things we say and the way we act, all were in one way or another, being influenced by the people around us. But its suffice to say that during those time, I am truly lucky to be with those whom I could connect with. And the memories of things we all did were imprinted in my mind, along with secrets crushes and codenames that we used. I remember being crazy over Dicky Cheung (of the Journey to the West fame) with Iena, of sawi's and kangkung's with Dilla, of super spy (I wish) secrecy of ADK's drug prevention with Shamina, of canteen day with our classmates, playing at the lake with the Gang, Pasir Salak trip, and lots more. It never fail to put a smile on my face. =)

The once boys and girls of 3A (well, partially),
now grown-ups at Akid's wedding.

Well, still lot more things to say. So, this concludes the first part of this post.. Stay tuned for the next one! =)

ps : Next one will dwell on Semashur & KMM.. And the last part will be on UKM.. =))

The Things We Make Believe

Salam..

Just a new poem from me.. Written during one of my 'down' moments. Sorry for the dark theme. Never intended it to be, just that is what flows from the dark crevice that science call our mind. Read at your own expense.

Things We Make Believe

. . o . .

i keep on trying
striving so hard
to keep it from falling
like teardrops from the sky

i wanted to understand
and sometimes its easy
but its difficult to accept
and more so to comply

seeing the lively people around
flying, dancing gracefully about
i try to reach out a hand
but butterflies never last long

i tried to pretend
and it felt so good
but it was not the same thing
as it was still a lie

all the things that people see
all the great things that they hear
sometimes its so easy to forget
that not all is as good as it seems

no matter what it comes to
and where it finally leads me
it was sometimes better to know
that the elusive dream might never be

. . o . .

Thanks for reading.

New Year, New Resolution??

Salam..

Been a while.. How's 2010 so far? Great? O-kay? Same? Well, aside form the fact that I still sometimes wrote the date as '09, it's been quite uneventful. Boring stuffs aside, let's talk about resolution.

Well, actually I don't believe in New Year's resolution. Why must goals be set whenever another new year has dawned? Why not now? Next week? Next month? But I have to say, at least, I do support making resolutions, because it means that you have a goal that you would work on to achieve. That way, you won't waste too much time on thinking, "Hey, what am I gonna do today eyh??" or "Hmm, today's chores is done.. Now what?"

It's nice to have something to look forward to because it makes all the work done to get to that point, so much more meaningful.

I am not a cynic, nor am I an true optimist. In life, you must always remember that it's not all beds of roses. Even though perhaps, luckily, your life until now, have been practically a walk in the park, it doesn't hurt to take precaution from now, right? Because we never know what the future brings.. Isn't it logical that we prepare for whatever's coming?

=)

Oh well, the motivation to write this is that I'm tired of people thinking of a certain way about me. This is not about vanity, it's just plain facts. I did not like it when people think my life is so easy, that when I say I've got a problem, they would just brush it off thinking that it couldn't be much worse that what they've gone through.

Sometimes I focus on the trivial things, because I don't want to think on the heavy stuffs. I don't like it because it turns me into someone I did not like; moody, depressed, angry. I'd rather like to be someone who goes on everyday expecting some kind of an adventure would spring to life before me, some mysteries dying to be solved and laugh at the kaleidoscope of life in front of me.

The point is, never ever expect a life free of tangles of problems. It will not be so easy, and the stronger and better-prepared you are, the better. Money-wise, do have a savings plan. Just saving 10% of your monthly income would come a long way in insuring your future. Relationship-wise, never expect that things would be the same months or 10 years ahead. People change, some better, some not so much. Have faith in your other half, but never stop at working at it. Family-wise, as you've known those lovely people all your life, make room for mistakes, accept the imperfections, revel in the familiarity of it and treasure the time you have together. Career-wise, work hard, and please try to stay away from taking extra benefits while at it. It's running rampant nowadays, so much that it's a general knowledge and the ones who disapproves is the one shunned.

Live life, and live in the moment. And when troubles comes knocking on your door, square your shoulders and plough on. The world is not a nice place, but when you find those treasured people, keep them close, because they are hard to find and even harder to replace.

Good luck to all!

Quoting Lady GaGa, "There's Nothing Else I Can Say, Eh Eh....."

Salam..

It's been a week since I started being a research assistant for my lecturer.. It has been mostly uneventful, except for that one time when I had to attend the first meeting for the project group. To tell you the truth, I was freaking out that time because that was the first time I got to know a lot of what I am going to do involves genetic engineering.

Me + Biochemical engineering major + No experience in genetic engineering = ()*&^*(&%$##@@

Haha.. My mind is whirling and swirling with a lot of things while the presentation is being done, mostly because at that time I couldn't understand half of what is being presented! Gosh, how am I going to do that?

Uh oh..

No background, ok, I could read up on DNA, cloning, recombinant technology, PCR, codon, promoters, plasmid, primer, genetic templates so on and so forth, but without any technical experience in this matter, I'm seriously hyper-ventilating!

Huhu.. Its so very challenging for me, and right now I'm still reading up stuffs on genetic engineering.. And at the same time, contacting the various people that I hope could shed some light on all these new things that I will be venturing into.

Please wish me all d best, people.. I'm really interested in doing this, because it's something new.. But dealing with DNA also involves a lot of luck. One colleague of mine told me that she took 27 months to do her research on this particular gene, and that is more than 2 years! Furthermore, for me, not only will I do the genetics part, but I will also continue from that to fermentation stage, and not only that, I will also do the purification!

Oooohhh... Very,very nervous now..

Anyone with PCR expertise?? Call me!

Seriously though, I hope that I could pick up the technical aspects of PCR and cloning, coz even though I somewhat understand the theory, I have no idea on how to achieve that, lab-wise. That is the biggest challenge for me at this moment.

Oh well, no use dwelling too much on the cons of this, I know... I'm trying to look at the bright side.. =)

Again, wish me luck!

Muche gracias..
=)

"The only thing worse than suffering an injustice is committing an injustice." ~ Plato

~mula~

Kadang-kadang rasa dipergunakan. Bila ada sesuatu yang menguntungkan diri, barulah mencari, tetapi jika tidak, usahlah diharapkan walau sapaan mesra.

Sedih rasanya, tapi tak pernah mengadu. Baik sangatkah?

Ooh, tidak.. Hanya ingin bersama walau seketika. Ketawa dan merasa gembira.

Apatah lagi, hidup di dunia tak lama..

Tapi kelakar kan?

Jika ada yang menyoal, pantas hubungan itu dipertahankan.

Kenapa?

Entah. Yang penting, diri ini tak mahu menyendiri.

Manusia..

Bilakah akan sedar?

Dunia ini bukan sekitar diri kita sahaja..

Buka mata, buka minda.

Respect others, so that they will respect you.

Susah sangatkah?

Entah. Tidak mahu bertekak.

Di persimpangan jalan, pilihlah satu.

Kedua-duanya ada penutup tersendiri.

Cuma ingatlah, bukan setiap kali kita boleh berpatah balik.

~owari~

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - Mark Twain

Dear 1st,

Have you ever felt completely distressed and all you wanted to do was to find some place quiet and just cry? Have you ever tried to stop the tears from falling so much that even trying to look down would cause your view to be blocked by unshed tears? Have you ever wished that it would just STOP and just give you a break?





I'm sure you haven't. Hah! Lucky you.

The thing is, why does every TINY thing becomes a matter of utmost urgency when the truth is, it’s nothing? Why cause sadness and grief to those around you when all they wanted to do was help? Not even a thanks was given, but guess what, those who really matters don’t even expect that. Just a little hope that life would continue on peacefully without having to walk on a frail layer of ice that would break any time.

I’ve got so many wishes growing up, but it never lives up to this. What I’m wishing now is just to be able to go through, with a smile intact and my faith in the old saying “budi baik dibalas baik” still remain. Coz I’ve been doing so for so long, but never got that sliver of hope realized even until today.

And even through everything, I still want to wish you something. May you live happily, oblivious to the pain you caused. Even while hurting that special people around you. I just hope those people would be strong enough.


Love,

7th.


ps : I guess I just like to torture myself. Haha.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Henry Ellis

Once upon a time, there was a little girl, and she believes that one day she'll grow up and become the best cyclist the world has ever seen. Shielded from the harsh world, she grew up, still believing in that perfect little dream. She was so certain that her dream will come true, that she forgets the ultimate race is the one which will seal her fate. Yet, no worries there, because she paddles like the wind, and she feels like she finally belong. She's in her element, and she's flying and nobody could catch her.

But one day, her world come crashing down, and she couldn't believe how naive she could be. She thought that it would never end, that she could be the world's best forever. But it was not meant to be. She tries to understand, because she knows a betrayal when she sees one. She tries to be strong, saying that there will be another time, but deep down she knows that this will cost her the most. And she continues to live, even though each day chips another piece of her once-perfect world. She tries to pretend that its okay, yet she knows that it would not be enough. Still, she must try, because she did not wish for those who loves her to feel the pain.

She longs for the little girl that she once were, and hoped that instead of finding the truth, she'll get lost there and would never came back. But it's just a dream, and when she woke up, she realises that, in the end, she will always be alone.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Today is not a good day.. Suddenly everything feels so suffocating, and I feel like I couldn't bear it. Sometimes, when I look around me, and watch others happily living their life, I could not help but feel jealous. Why did I have deal with this? Why me? When will it stop?

Couldn't I be happy for once? Didn't I deserve to at least be happy? For once, doing what I want without thinking of the consequences? Of who would get hurt, and who would finally show their true self? Why must I be the secret bearer? When it obviously has done nothing to ease the pain?

I've been so used to lies, that I could hardly believe the truth when it's staring at me. It's so damn painful, yet I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. Maybe I like torturing myself.

Holiday Mode, Still??

Salam..

It's been two weeks since classes started, or in our case, a week.. Its been mostly uneventful, with the exceptions of some classes.. Lol.. Anyway, the Pollution Control class has already come up with the project title. Luckily (or unlucky, depends on your opinions on the matter), my group was given the title,

Palm Oil Mill

To tell you the truth, I am so not feeling ready to start toiling for projects yet.. In a sense, I'm still in my holiday mood. Hehe.. Doing labworks in the morning, having lunch and lepak-ing afterwards with going online or kacau-kacau my coursemates who are doing their lab or being silly with the girls.

=)

Anyway, life must go on, right?

But why oh why do I have to be the one in charge of the books??? Don't get me wrong.. I don't mind having to send it to the shop etc., its the expectation that I sometimes couldn't handle.. When the lecturer asks me why haven't everyone gotten the book, I just couldn't help but beat myself about it. Lagipun, memang salah sendiri... =(

Why didn't I borrow the book earlier?

Why didn't I made sure about those who wants it or not earlier?

Why? Why? Why?


...


...


...


Man, there's just too many whys.. Well, hopefully we can pick it up tomorrow, consequences be damned!

Lol..

PS : To my dear coursemates, sorry for the delay ok. I guess my holiday-mode persona has gotten us all in trouble. So, those who has the book, please sit in front tomorrow, ok! You guys will be the first line defence.. Haha..

See y'all tomorrow!

What Went Wrong??

I can' help but feel like we're getting further and further away.
Is it me?
Or is it you?
I don't know..
I tried to make an effort.
Asking about your day..
But I can't help but feel like you're distancing yourself.
What did I do?
Or were you feeling sorry?
I just hope we can get back to what we once were.
I miss hearing you laugh.
I miss the easy companionship that we shared.
In short, I miss you.

Together As One..

Salam..

Last week, something happened that had undoubtedly shaken me up, not to mention my friends.. And the first thing I felt was guilt. Someone trusted me and asks me to do something, but I wasn't able to do so..

Gosh, I feel so horrible.. And it's only after making sure everything was alright that I am able to make peace with myself.

Dearest friend, if you're reading this, just know that I'm sorry I couldn't be there..

As it it, life is too precious to be wasted away.. And somehow I know you didn't mean to do the things you did, but please know that your friends are here.. If you need any help, we'll gladly extend a hand to you.. And even if all you wanted is some company, we'll be there. So please, don't just think of this life as an endless hopeless and bleak one, coz even though it may seem that way now, with us beside you, I know you WILL make it through. Always have faith that things will get better, and that you'll come out of this a stronger person.

We Luv U, Dearest One!!

And never ever forget that..

We stick together, no matter what.. =)
And you can't rid us easily! Lol..
Have faith, and be happy..

And that applies to anybody who is reading this, okay.. And have fun during the holidays, be it playing with bacteria or holiday-ing by the beach or even working part time.. =)

Post Mortem... Huh?

Salam..

Things have been so busy, so I'm really, really sorry if anyone got dissappointed with my lack of updates, and please don't be upset if I haven't commented on your blogs these past few weeks..

Actually my group has already submitted our design project on Monday, and the presentation was done on Wednesday.. Report-wise, at that time I was oh-so-glad to finally submit it. We've gone through a lot of hurdles, things that had shaken me up, questioned myself and reevaluate my priorities.. What to do when you have to choose between a friend and your responsibility? I admit that I was very lax while dealing with that, because it's just not in my nature to hurt someone intentionally, more so when said person is already in an emotional breakdown him/herself. And I know that some of my friends are angry that I was being too nice..

Truthfully, I don't know what to say or do.. A lot of my anger is not my own (at first), but comes from other people who are forced to go out of their way to be able to meet the deadline.. And it's not like I didn't have to, I did.. But I just couldn't scold or marah-marah somebody. Haiz, that's why people said being too nice is a problem. And then, I was in limbo for a few stretches of days, evaluating the pros and cons, and at the same time trying to finish up the work.. And balance the act of keeping the smile on my face, and feeling like crying coz I've been pushed up a corner..

*sigh*

Then comes the presentation day.. To say it bluntly, it was like a blow to my face. I expected the questions and probes, but I never expected the incident that happen. Safe to say that we are all very sad and dissappointed.. I was sad and dissappointed. I know that the seed of the incident comes from our own mistakes, but we never thought that it would get that bad, and that out of hand.. =((

*sob*

But thinking from another side, yes, it's better to make mistakes like this here (as in now) then when we're working. Quoting someone,

"Takpela you all kena sekarang, you all masih student, tak ada reputation lagi... Kalau ada kesalahan yang kamu buat pun, masih ada masa untuk diperbaiki..."

And thinking about that, it is very true.. I'd like to think of it this way, if you do make mistakes now, at least you are aware of it, and you can learn from it, and it would likely stay with you forever. After all, incidents like that are hard to forget. So, in the coming future, you can take a leaf out of those ego-bruising moments and make sure it won't happen again.

After all, at that time, you do have a reputation to take care of, right?

=)

Oh well, I really do think I'm like a pregnent woman, each day having dozens of mood swings.. Haha..

Anyway, really got to get back to work soon.. There's the correction to make and compile into the final report, thesis presentation to prepare for, iCon and SuperPro simulation assignments to take care of, and Management individual project to finish, all due next week.. To add to that, we;ll have an exam next week. Then, will need to submit thesis report.. And let's not forget the final exams..

So, take care everyone!! Once I get everything in order, will resume my previous blog-hopping-and-commenting procedure, ok?

Thanks anyway for reading..
Have fun doing the assignments and what-nots!

=)

PS : Miss teddy, the raya post? Hehe.. I will try to update about that yea.. Hehe.. But later, can? LoL.. Jgn bw pisau ok.. =p

Bak kata P Ramlee, Cobaan.....

Salam..

Just a quick one today.. The fact is, my laptop got stolen. And the person responsible even took my bag containing :

• 2 of my pendrives; 1 2GB and another 256MB. First one was bought last semester while the other is a gift from MISC's Navigate Your Career last year.
• My old pencil case.. I've had it since I started in UKM, and was hoping to use it till I graduate, but it seems like that's not going to happen....
• My new lab coat.. Just worn it once. Huhu..
• Notes; this includes my cp exam pad that I've studiously write all the notes, be it Safety (my coursemates know how MUCH notes that one have...), Design, ICON and lots more!
• My thesis note book where I scribbled all the infos and tidbits I've found, also the various methods and references I'm using..
• My calculator, which I've been using since Form 5..

The thing is, it's not the physically lost things that I regret. It's more towards remembering all the memories that were associated with all those things. We can always buy new things and even cheaper if you're talking about laptops and pendrives, but the sentimental value is not that easy to regain..

Oooohh, my laptop.... I'm gonna miss all the pictures inside... =(

*sob*

Fourth Week Update... =)

Salam..

It's been a whirlwind of a week.. I've got my thesis title already, and though I didn't get my first choice, it's still a blessing coz I still got the concept that I wanted in the first place.

My title :

Hydrogen Production by Industrial Bacteria

Oh well, I really wanted to do the one on H2 Production from POME (Palm Oil Mill Effluent), but, not my day I think.. LoL.. Still, I'm thankful for what it is.

And another thing, last week the group for our Plant Design Project was announced! Walaa.. And till now, we already had 2 meetings.. Haiz, hopefully will got to see our supervisor soon.. There's 6 of us, each with our own 'kepala' but thankfully I've had the opportunity to work with most of them before, so I think we'll adapt soon, insya-Allah.

=)

And, by the way, I've wanted to update a loooooooooooooooooooong time ago (read last week), but just couldn't find the motivation for it.. Funny, isn't it? Coz I sure had a lot to tell.. =) Oh well, what is done is done.. I dun want to cry over spilt milk.. =)




The last few days is already trying as it is.. Problems arise, again and again and again, and I'm right in the middle. It's hard to be the only sane person sometimes, and I know I'm capable of over-rationalizing some things.. Things that really matter to others might be trivial to me, but there's always some part that just like to torture myself, knowing that in truth, there's nothing I can do.

Nobody's perfect, right? But why does it feels like sometimes it's just SO hard to accept the fact that some people just don't even TRY to become better?!! Why always brings up things that in truth, never really matters?? And why bother to ask for my opinion when it's clear as ++++ that you just won't listen?

Nobody's perfect..

I know..

I just had to remind myself
over, and over again..

And maybe starts to question to whom
all my anger is directed at.

Coz it feels like I just want
to be angry at myself..

For not doing enough
For not being open enough
For just thinking that everything would be alright
For just accepting things as they are
For just hoping and believing

Very, very sorry for this pointless post. I just want to let it all out. I can't cry, I don't even have the will to write it all as a new poem for my collection, I just want to sleep, and sleep, and dream.....

Dream of a lifetime ago, when things were just normal.
When I just can laugh and not feel guilty about it..
When black clouds won't shadow my days..

Will that become true someday?

Will I be able to find that peace again??

Peace, it's not just a word..

It's an idea, it's a compilation of actions..

It's a fragment of our imagination when
sometimes we just want to escape.

From everything..

But I do believe it exists..
And I hope I'll be able to arrive there

Someday...

"Fragile"
by Delta Goodrem

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one
Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean
Words from the heart or a melody
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel nothing at all
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile

Don't You Just Love the Rain???

Salam..

Time flies so fast nowadays, that sometimes I feel like I could never keep up. Still, it wouldn't do to lose hope now, would it?

*sigh*

I did something wrong, and I've been thinking about it every wink of my waking day! Ugh.. What if I never did it? What if I had the gall to think before acting? What if? What if?

So many 'what if's couldn't solve the problem. I make a mistake, that's a fact, and I'm never going to live off it any time soon. I will keep replaying it inside my mind, and I will keep on speculating those 'what ifs', coz maybe things would be different than it is now.. But, still, it's downright foolish to think that we could turn back time so right now I'm hoping that everything will turn out ok..

Wish me luck?







PS : Sorry for the lack of updates.. Just had the industrial training presentation yesterday, and now still racking my brain as to which thesis title I should choose.. Still, I will hope for the best. =)

To Be Strong...

I wake up in the morning,
Put on my face,
The one that's gonna get me,
Through another day,
Doesn't really matter,
How it feels inside,
This life is like a game sometimes...

Sometimes, it's hard to be strong. But I have no choice, that's all I can do.

Truly hope things would get better.

t i r e d

. . 1 . .

Bermati-matian hari ini
Cuba membuat sesuatu di luar kemampuan
Tapi akhirnya berjaya
Lalu tersenyum puas
Tapi tidak lama
Kerana ketakprihatinan seorang manusia
Yang hanya memikirkan dirinya
Diri tidak meminta dipuji
Tidak sekali-kali
Cukuplah dengan memahami
Jasad letih, kepala apatah lagi
Cukuplah dengan tersenyum manis
Tapi sayang, itu tidak terjadi
Hanya kata-kata sinis nan tajam
Yang pantas membuat air mata menitis
Tak fahamkah betapa diri ini sedih?

Maaf, diri ini bukan sempurna
Maaf, diri ini hanya manusia
Maaf, diri ini bukan bertulangkan besi
Maaf, diri ini hanya insan yang lemah

. . . m a a f . . .

Reflections...

Salam..

Final exams has already started, so really want to apologize for any wrongdoings or anything lah.. Hehe.. And with the study program, and revisions and all, I have to say, this blog will be on HIATUS for a week or two.. That means, no updates, and no pleasure-online-ing for me for this week and the week afterwards. My timetable :

1. 25th of April = Bioreactor exam
2. 28th of April = Mechanical Design exam
3. 30th of April = Utilities Design exam
4. 2nd of May = Bioseparations Design

Haha.. Still a lot to cover, questions to answer, discussions to prepare for and lecturers to meet.. LoL.. Wish me luck yea..

And I am really thankful because my Dad came back safely.. He went hunting on Friday, but only managed to get home on Monday. Didn't bring his meds, any clothes of even daily necessities.. Aiyaa, my mom and I were VERY VERY worried... I didn't have the heart to study, and those were the longest days of my life. Nevertheless, he did came back, and I was SO very happy, and I know I stretched my face with my smile.. And thanks to my friends who were there for me, luv you all!!

PS : Kamal, if you remember, that is why I asked you about 'that' place.. =)


Thanks for reading!
=)