Once upon a time, there was a little girl, and she believes that one day she'll grow up and become the best cyclist the world has ever seen. Shielded from the harsh world, she grew up, still believing in that perfect little dream. She was so certain that her dream will come true, that she forgets the ultimate race is the one which will seal her fate. Yet, no worries there, because she paddles like the wind, and she feels like she finally belong. She's in her element, and she's flying and nobody could catch her.
But one day, her world come crashing down, and she couldn't believe how naive she could be. She thought that it would never end, that she could be the world's best forever. But it was not meant to be. She tries to understand, because she knows a betrayal when she sees one. She tries to be strong, saying that there will be another time, but deep down she knows that this will cost her the most. And she continues to live, even though each day chips another piece of her once-perfect world. She tries to pretend that its okay, yet she knows that it would not be enough. Still, she must try, because she did not wish for those who loves her to feel the pain.
She longs for the little girl that she once were, and hoped that instead of finding the truth, she'll get lost there and would never came back. But it's just a dream, and when she woke up, she realises that, in the end, she will always be alone.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Today is not a good day.. Suddenly everything feels so suffocating, and I feel like I couldn't bear it. Sometimes, when I look around me, and watch others happily living their life, I could not help but feel jealous. Why did I have deal with this? Why me? When will it stop?
Couldn't I be happy for once? Didn't I deserve to at least be happy? For once, doing what I want without thinking of the consequences? Of who would get hurt, and who would finally show their true self? Why must I be the secret bearer? When it obviously has done nothing to ease the pain?
I've been so used to lies, that I could hardly believe the truth when it's staring at me. It's so damn painful, yet I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. Maybe I like torturing myself.
Heavy
6 years ago
Irina,
ReplyDeleteBe strong!
Saya pun menipu diri sendiri..
Im not hepi..
Im pretend to be hepi..
I've lot of problems..
I pretend dat I didnt hv problems at all..
Urfff..
Im torturing myself too..
Huhuhuhu..
My dear Irina, be strong ok..
I know u can!
Doa org utk Irina!
=)
zira --> thanks zira.. sekarang ni yg plg pnting ialah tuk kuatkan semangat.. =) doakan ye.. rs diri ni dah makin lemah.. papepun, mekacih for caring. love u! =)
ReplyDeleteRina,
ReplyDeleteTouching post.. Be strong, please. One thing that makes you a good writer is that you manage to express beautifully what many of us experience, but can't express.
You deserve to be happy cause you try your best to make others happy :) You cried when you opened your eyes into this world, but I believe people would cry when you close your eyes some day.
I admire you for being you :)
missirina.blogspot.com; You saved my day again.
ReplyDeleteWeb design
ReplyDeletevery handy, htanx a lot for this article ..... This is what I was looking for.
What is this?
ReplyDeleteIf you can't use proper English grammar and tenses, don't write in English. This is awful writing.
Anda adalah seorang idiot dan membuang pelajaran bahasa Inggeris.
Dear Irina,
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone out there. I am exactly in a situation where I wonder how much I can bear more on my shoulders. And no relief, no nothing. Only happy stupid people around me living their safe mundane lives. Happy stupid blondie who marries at 22 and lives happily or not but ever after not alone. And people admire me, want to be like me etc "oh you are such interesting person", " oh you have so interesting life". I hate this crap, maybe for once my life could be just happy and boring. You are not alone out there, hugs :* Aga