"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Henry Ellis

Once upon a time, there was a little girl, and she believes that one day she'll grow up and become the best cyclist the world has ever seen. Shielded from the harsh world, she grew up, still believing in that perfect little dream. She was so certain that her dream will come true, that she forgets the ultimate race is the one which will seal her fate. Yet, no worries there, because she paddles like the wind, and she feels like she finally belong. She's in her element, and she's flying and nobody could catch her.

But one day, her world come crashing down, and she couldn't believe how naive she could be. She thought that it would never end, that she could be the world's best forever. But it was not meant to be. She tries to understand, because she knows a betrayal when she sees one. She tries to be strong, saying that there will be another time, but deep down she knows that this will cost her the most. And she continues to live, even though each day chips another piece of her once-perfect world. She tries to pretend that its okay, yet she knows that it would not be enough. Still, she must try, because she did not wish for those who loves her to feel the pain.

She longs for the little girl that she once were, and hoped that instead of finding the truth, she'll get lost there and would never came back. But it's just a dream, and when she woke up, she realises that, in the end, she will always be alone.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Today is not a good day.. Suddenly everything feels so suffocating, and I feel like I couldn't bear it. Sometimes, when I look around me, and watch others happily living their life, I could not help but feel jealous. Why did I have deal with this? Why me? When will it stop?

Couldn't I be happy for once? Didn't I deserve to at least be happy? For once, doing what I want without thinking of the consequences? Of who would get hurt, and who would finally show their true self? Why must I be the secret bearer? When it obviously has done nothing to ease the pain?

I've been so used to lies, that I could hardly believe the truth when it's staring at me. It's so damn painful, yet I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. Maybe I like torturing myself.

My Miri Escapades...

Salam..

In my last post, I mentioned something about heading off to Miri right? Well, I had gone there for the Shell Recruitment Day. It has been a very interesting and enlightening experience, especially doing the exercises and meeting the people there.

One thing I certainly notice first is the friendliness of the people in Miri. We had some difficulties finding a halal restaurant for lunch + dinner, but in the end, everything came through. =) And very sorry for the lack of pictures, I didn't bring my camera because I was trying to keep things light, and if you've seen my camera, you'll know what I mean..

LoL..

Aerial view of Miri, taken from here..

Anyway, the SRD lasts for two days; the first is the prebriefing day which also includes practices for group discussion regarding the case study, while the second day is the real deal. But regardless of the results, I never regretted the decision to come because:

1. I got the chance to go to Miri. Have never went there before, and now am jealous over the fact that it is so peaceful there. No traffic jams, no reckless drivers, very easy atmosphere and nice people.
2. Met with and get to know a few great people; the other candidates (there were 5 of us altogether), the coordinator and the accessors. You felt welcomed and very much at ease with these people. =)
3. Gain more experience in preparing myself for an interview, in this case, preparing for the other accessments as opposed to only interview.
4. Just plain experience, which is a valuable lesson by itself because it shows me how I acted under stressful situations and how to overcome some of the things that I didn't expect I would do under that circumstances.
   

So, basically it was a good experience. And now, for the pictures, courtesy of one Mr Jackson :

The three out of four guys of our group. There's Gobi, Peter and Jackson (l-r) and the one missing is Ahmad. Yep, you guessed it, I'm the only girl there. Haha.. Nasib baik all of them is very gentlemen and did not bully me. LoL..

4/5th of the whole group.. =) Nice bunch of people, this is.. =p
(And that includes me! Angkat bakul sekejap..)

Yours truly, with Peter as the photographer.. Haha.. Kesian us, we had nothing else to do
after the interview that we pass the time taking pictures.. =)

Oh well, we certainly didn't have enough time to jalan-jalan in Miri because of the tight schedule, (and our dwindling pocket money.. *sob*), so anyone game on going Cuti-Cuti Malaysia??


Thanks for reading!
=)


ps : Seems like I have hutang tag to do, hehe.. Will try to update a-s-a-p okay? =) And in the ast picture, when I mean famous, its the picture behind us.. Haha.. Don't terkena punk'd k!!

=p

After 3 Weeks...

Salam..



More than 3 weeks have passed since my last post like stated up there, courtesy of my dear friend, zira. Haha.. Please pardon my laziness to update. Okay, it's not laziness per se, but life as a final year student is beginning to restrict my free time. Whats with the usual Design Project, Pollution Project and case study, assignments and thesis, I've been hard-pressed to keep up with the list of things to do.

So lately, all I could afford doing is read others' blogs, check my email accounts, do my labwork for thesis, finishing my part for the projects, and the usuals (read = eating + sleeping + classes + watching tv). And let's not forget playing facebook. ;-)

But right now, I'm packing my things to bring to Miri.

Miri?
In the middle of the week?
Classes?

Yep.. Hehe.. Actually, I'm going for Shell Recruitment Day. The date that I've chosen was on the 18th of February, and because we will have a prebriefing a day before, I will be crossing Laut China Selatan on early Tuesday morning.



Do wish me luck, yeah. If this is anything like Gourami, better keep my shields up to deflect all the questions and such. Haha..


Me, out!
And before I forget, thanks for stopping by!
And thank you for reading..

=)